Question: Is the church intergenerational?

So this question has been mulling around in my head for the past two years.

Most churches have some sort of confirmation process for children and teenagers that grants them full membership status within the congregation. However, if you look closely at the way most churches are structured, you would probably conclude that churches are primarily for adults but are willing to provide childcare and youth programs for those families that attend. You can see this is exemplified in the way most churches organized their weekly worship services. You could divide them into two categories: 1) a worship service that is unapologetically for adults alone, 2) a worship service that says it is for everyone of all ages, but still directs almost every aspect of the service towards adults.

I choose to pick on the weekly worship service because it is the time set aside in life of a church when all of its members regularly gather together in the same room. I would propose (and I might be wrong on this), that the purpose of the weekly worship service is … worship. There are other aspects to the Christian life that are absolutely essential (things like fellowship and teaching), but that is not the primary purpose of the weekly worship service. Unfortunately, somewhere along the way, a “worship service with teaching” has turned into a “teaching service with worship.” The difference is subtle, but enormous in its implications.

Let me try to explain.

Children are capable of worshiping God. Teenagers are capable of worshiping God. College students are capable of worshiping God. Married people are capable of worshiping God. Singles are capable of worshiping God. Retirees are capable of worshiping God. Young and old, sick and well, educated and uneducated. We are all capable of worshiping God. The beauty of congregational worship is that it can be for EVERYONE. Literally, you could never say to a person, “you know, our worship service really isn’t for you.”

With me so far? Here’s where it gets sticky. The problems come not with the concept, but with the details. Which songs will we sing? Who will preach and what will be taught? Who will lead? What will the building look like? What kind of seating will we have? Etc.

Concepts are great, but its the details that people actually experience – and that’s where you can see the real priorities. Songs that are geared towards either ages 20-30 or 30-60. Sermons that require college-level education to understand. Buildings and rooms that require one to sit still in a small space for over an hour. These aren’t bad things. I personally don’t mind any of them, but they are certainly adult things.

The upside of this structure (which I’m sure 99% of all churches use), is that the adults are happy. (Well, maybe not all of the adults, but at least some of them – churches are never without conflict). However, we’re all aware that the average child usually zones out and draws in a coloring book during the service. The average teen zones out and endures the service, and then complains on the way home. The  average college student  might  appreciate some aspects of the service, but most likely feels more at home at his or her campus ministry.

The statistics that show a drop in church attendance once a student graduates high school are staggering.I wish I had a dime for every article I’ve read about how young people are leaving the church. However, there is something that all of those reports have in common that bothers me. They all use the phrase “leaving the church.” They use this phrase of course because all of these students who are dropping off the map are confirmed members in their home churches. And so yes, technically, on paper, they are leaving.

In response to this, I want to propose a hypothesis: Students are not leaving the church. No, instead they are never becoming part of it in the first place.

Yes they are taking membership classes. Yes they are taking communion. Yes they are publicly professing faith in Christ. Yes they are involved in youth group.

But do they identify themselves as important members who are committed to leading and serving the congregation? Do they feel ownership for the church? Do they feel like their presence is vital to the life of the church?

Based on my experience as a teenager and now working with teenagers, I think the answer is no. Give children and teenagers a bit more credit, they are not being fooled. They might not be able to articulate it, but they know that when they walk into the sanctuary, it’s not really for them – at least not as much as it is for their parents.

Here’s a revealing question: if you were to remove all of the children and teenagers from the sanctuary on Sunday. What would change about the service? Anything? OK, now remove just the adults. What would change about the service? Almost everything!

I’m beginning to ramble, so let me ask the hard question: is the church truly to be intergenerational? If so, should not the church’s one regular gathering also be intergenerational in nature? This is a huge question, one that challenges hundreds of years of church history and hundreds of thousands of local congregations.

I do not know the answer. I repeat, I do not know the answer. I need help with this. As a youth director, I think I am seeing a problem and I want to ask for your help in thinking about it.

I’m all ears.