in the shrewd tradition of C.S. Lewis…
My Dear Wormwood,
It has come to my attention that you have been dropping the ball in a most vital area in the lives of our teenage patients. You will remember that Our Father Below has a special interest in stealing the hearts of the young before they can mature into dangerous soldiers of The Enemy. Therefore, it is imperative that you make every effort to secure a stronghold in their lives before it is too late. I have heard, through my sources, that you have allowed a number of 14 year old boys to join a weekly church discipleship group. This is grave news indeed and you must get control of the situation immediately.
At this point, it would behoove you to borrow an old tactic that I have used many times with your boy’s parents. Fill their schedule with other things. I don’t care what you use, just fill it to the brim and then stuff in some more. If you want to be especially crafty, use good and wholesome things so long as they are not related to the church: piano lessons, travel soccer team, birthday parties, A.P. Chemistry class. Let them think that this is making them “well-rounded.” Let pride creep into their hearts and swell into arrogance. Let them invest money into these activities so that they will feel obligated to skip youth group in order to “get what they paid for.” And, if you can, help them develop a defensive attitude to go along with the busy schedule. Let them feel hurried and stressed. “This business is not of my choosing, it has been thrust upon me by the unreasonable expectations of others!” This, my dear wormwood, is the lock on the cage. It will protect them from the vile words of elders and pastors who may suggest that they choose discipleship over a golf tournament. Let those words ring with condemnation in their ears so that they will react angrily and say, “see, yet another example of someone who just wants more of my precious time!”
In this way we not only keep those boys away from learning the way’s of the Enemy’s Son, but they will unwittingly serve as our recruiters! As you know, humans are wonderfully insecure and competitive; and even those boys who wish to follow the Enemy will feel as though they are “missing out.”
I look forward to hearing of your success and progress nephew.