Last year, when my wife Rachel was pregnant, a lot of folks advised me to prepare for ministry with students to change when the baby was born. While the vast majority of their advise was well-intentioned (and often true!), it all assumed that the little kiddo would have a negative impact on my ministry with students. In some ways they were right:
- I have less free time to spend with teenagers.
- Some students now see me as crazy-old.
- I get less sleep and so am less energetic than before.
But in some ways they were wrong and in the past 4 months I have discovered some very real and awesome upsides to being a Daddy in youth ministry:
- Being a Daddy makes you an official adult in teenagers’ eyes. That means that when we hang out, they are getting quality time with an adult, not just “the youth guy.” Psychologists, sociologists, pastors, and most thoughtful people agree that teenagers do not have enough non-performance-based relationships with adults who are not their parents.
- Being a Daddy has opened up a whole new category of topics and questions to discuss with teenagers. It’s actually much easier to talk with students about their family life because it’s now normal for me to throw out a question like, “So guys I’ve been thinking about what kind of stuff to do with little June (my daughter), what are some of your favorite things that you’ve done with your parents?”
- Don’t read this one the wrong way, but having a child, especially having a baby girl, has allowed me to have better friendships with teenage girls. In the past I have always been so terrified of “giving the wrong impression” or “sending the wrong signals” that I have been very wary of building relationships with the young women in our ministry – which is pretty sad considering that we’re talking about half of the teenagers in our church! Just today, I was holding little June after the worship service and a gang of 10th grade girls (and one grinning 10th grade guy) came running up to me too “ooo” and “ahh” over the baby. It was great! We had a 100% healthy, non-awkward, fun conversation thanks to the drooling, cooing little bundle in my arms.
